What up mid week blues!
I don’t know what has been going on lately but yesterday I set my alarm for my morning run, lay out my clothes and got a good nights sleep like I am told I should have. When the alarm buzzed, I just did not want to wake up – not because I was sleepy and wanted a lie in – but because I felt afraid and sad. I know a strange combination, and yeah it does sound like I am just being a whiney girl. Whatever it was though I could not understand why I felt afraid to run.
Part of me started to think about what was the worst that could happen, I mean it is just a run outside! I can come back if I want! Despite this, I could not shake the feeling and really had to force myself to get up and go. When I did make it out the door it was a lovely autumn day, sunny without being too hot and not cold enough to make my body seize up. So I ran, and five minutes into it something went wrong. I just felt so flat, like all I wanted to do was sit down on the side of the road. My body felt physically fine, no sore muscles or difficulty breathing, but mentally I could not do it. I really pushed to run for 20 minutes and then came home feeling so defeated.
The same thing happened tonight at Zumba – something I usually love. As soon as we got into the first song I just wanted to give up and go home. Lifting my arms felt exhausting and to be honest I just felt really sad. After a half-assed hour I came home to eat dinner and have just been sitting on the couch wondering why.
It could be the autumn blues, or a touch of homesickness; for all I know this is just my body telling me I have over-exercised lately and need to take a couple of days off. I am not sure what is going on, but right now I feel so unmotivated and down which really sucks. It is frustrating when you aren’t feeling like yourself and exercising doesn’t help, I have mentioned before how we aren’t always one workout away from a good mood and this week has proved that.
So what to do? Apart from venting it out on the blog (thanks for listening) I am going to rest tomorrow and try to find something that makes me happy each day. These can be small things like the fact that I have the new Downton Abbey to watch tonight, or I am going out for dinner on Saturday. Whatever they may be, looking at the little things is a way that I remind myself that I still have a good life, and that feeling so flat can’t last forever.
With that said, I am off to sit in bed with tea and book like a total nana, because right now that is what will make me happy.